Merely just me

I haven’t talked to Typh much the last couple days….there are times I want to text her & say hey or that I miss her & see how she’s doin but I don’t because I don’t want to start a war between her & him. I am soo sleep deprived…that’s all I plan to do this weekend after I get done at the dealership this morning. Hopefully I come away with the HHR I want. I plan on drinking some(okay quite a bit) this weekend so there could be some drunken posts…so we’ll see how that goes. I’m going to start bettering myself…..like working out again, finding a new job, learning ASL again, as well as just over all becoming better focused on goals & going after them.

Working overnights my brain thinks way to much which is good & bad. I’m not where I wanted to be in life 10yrs ago….I made some choices I am definitely not proud of but I can’t change the past….only the future. Which means I’m going to be posting my goals & actively going after them as much as I can.

The other night at work I remember T saying she wanted to be a teacher….I wonder if she’s ever considered going back to school & finishing if she could afford it. She’s smart & I bet she’d make an awesome teacher.

Goal #1—be away from retail by Christmas….sorry but doing it the better half of the past 10yrs killed my spirit & I just can’t take it anymore

I need sleep & sex(I don’t mean quickie sex either..if you know me you what what I mean)….one of those 2 I’ll get in a couple hours when I get home….the other—nope not happening..hasn’t in a little over a month……

That’s all…gotta go back to doing work

It’s been a long ass fucking week. Haven’t slept much with car shopping ajnd stressing over it. I’ve been shopping just minutes from T’s place…hopefully by the end of Saturday I have a newer car. I miss seeing T…Hopefully she is back at work on Tues/Wed so I can see her. I hope she’s getting plenty of rest and her mom isn’t being to much of a pain in the ass so she isn’t super stressed. My life is going to be soo much easier once I am out of this place. I’m starting the search for a new job…probably an office job or 8-5 type job. Honestly I miss dressing up for work. I felt better about things and actually felt like things were going good in my life…..

L is currently annoyed with me for a few things….mainly pertaining to my current situation. She hates seeing me not happy and that I struggle daily to get the fuck out of this place. This place is making me sick…the dust, the mold, just everything. I get so tired of being the only one doing a damn thing all the way vs just enough. Last weekend I went off on my mother in law and cussed her out because her son who doesn’t work…doesn’t do a damn thing to help out and I’m fucking tired of it. I told her she needs to do something or I’ll eventually just go off on her husband and call him out on his pain killer addictions and everything else that annoys me since he has no clue what the fuck goes on in this house anyways. She still hasn’t done a damn thing to her son so I guess I’m gonna go finish cleaning the kitchen and laundry room etc this weekend….and piss them off again by cranking up some Fall Out Boy, Sum41, etc thru my headphones so they leave the room. Yea I’m starting the war but I’m also finishing it.

Typh-I was going to text you but wasn’t sure what time your surgery is. I hope it all goes well. Text me at some point so I know your doin okay. I’m thinking of you. I miss you & hope once these teeth are out your migraines go away some & you feel better soon. I hope you enjoy your time off…don’t stress about work…believe me your dept will still be there…just trashed. :) I’m going to bed so if you text & I don’t reply that’s why. ❤❤❤

I am soo tired right now. I should be laying on the couch trying to sleep but I am stressed like a mofo since I have to get a loan tonight to buy 1…maybe 2 new cars. I keep thinking about Typh and the fact she has to have surgery tomorrow to remove her wisdom teeth. She was telling me last week she’s scared she wont wake up when they knock her out and I wish I could be there for her to be the first person she sees when she wakes up. She’ll miss a few days of work but once she’s back I can’t wait to see her and just hug her. So many songs I’ve been hearing lately on Spotify radio remind me of her. I need to find a good way to destress so I can refocus on the new songs I’ve been working on. I can’t wait to have a new car….the thing about it is where I’ll be looking/buying is literally 5 minutes from T(at least the way I drive)….If I get the new car I’d be so tempted to drive by to show her and see her before she has her surgery tomorrow but at the same time I know my luck he’d be over and that’d just lead to trouble out the ass. I miss her like no other….and not seeing her at work just sucks especially when I hear songs that make me think of her.

I really should go to sleep now….my body is soo exhausted and my brain is shutting down which means I’ll probably pass out sitting up watchin 5-0 from last night….

T if you read this I miss you and wish I was there for you tomorrow. Time for some good dreams…..if I can destress